This blog was written by Cicely Calvaresi-Holston, MA. She is a counselor who helps moms work through the challenges of parenting. She is the owner is Phoenix Wellness LLC.
4 Tips to (TRY) to Not Lose Your (YA KNOW) While Momming
Parenting is hard. It is not for the faint of heart. But – parenting can also be fun and rewarding (still hard). Taking simple steps and using tools and supports can aid in making the journey as pleasant as possible for you and your family. Here are 4 steps that have helped me in parenting to not lose my… ya know.
1. Stop Looking for the “Right” Answer
It does not exist.
There is no handbook.
And while we’re at it: THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS THE RIGHT ANSWER!
Children are people, people are unique. While humans share similarities, we are all different. That means different things work for different kids. And different parenting styles work for different parents.
So, effective immediately, let’s throw away the cookie-cutter parenting ideas. Let’s throw away the “it worked for…” And let’s definitely throw away the “when I was a kid, my parents…”
From this point on, YOU are a unique parent, and YOU are parenting a unique child which comes with unique challenges and unique accomplishments.
2. Each day is a new day.
And if you have a toddler, I like to refer to this as “the sour patch kid effect.”
Kids can be ruthless.
But that’s mainly because they are kids. Their brains are immature and irrational. Their emotional regulation skills are non-existent. Their ability to use their rational brains does not fully develop until they leave our homes. Somewhat erratic behavior is actually developmentally appropriate, believe it or not!
So what can we do as moms? Well, adults have the brain capacity to move on. We can lead by example and move forward from our children’s tantrums. Why? Because this will show them how to forgive AND to set boundaries. Each day is a new day (***this in no way means we have to tolerate disrespect and bad behavior, but that’s a topic for another time).
3. Schedule in a break …
If you don’t have a village, or any support, I suggest making it a priority to build that system up (blog on that to follow),
In the meantime, take your break when the kids take their breaks (naps, practices, work, study, clubs, night/sleep). Take inventory of where you are spending time when you are not doing things with the kids. You will be surprised to see that you may be filling your time with “odds and ends.”
4. Be like Elsa … Let it Go
Sometimes we just have to let things go. Take those “odds and ends” for example (see number 3), if we just resolve to let them go, we could free up 30 minutes, 1 hour, maybe even a few hours to do NOTHING or whatever WE WANT.
As parents we become entranced by what we “must” do. Who makes these rules? Who says we “must?”
Remember when we were kids and we could not wait to be adults so that we could make the rules? Now we follow imaginary rules that we make up in our minds? WHAT?!
It is important to take a step back and really think about why we are doing what we are doing.
Do we want to do it? No? Then maybe don’t do it.
Maybe go take a bubble bath or whatever you fancy?
Of course, there are some rules and responsibilities that are unavoidable, but that is not this. You know what I mean – LET IT GO! Put down those bags and BREATH.