There are two ways to do couples counseling:
- By showing up to your appointments.
- By showing up to your appointments and putting the work in.
The couples I see who show up AND put the work in have a considerably higher success rate in their relationships and marriages than the couples who just show up and talk about their relationship problems.
The couples who “just show up” become frustrated with the couples therapy process and start to complain about a lack of progresss. Many of them eventually drop out, feeling like there is no hope for the future and that nothing is changing.
I’ve reflected on some of the things my more successful couples do – and here are three things you could do in your couples therapy process that will enhance and expedite your experience:
- Keep a list of the things you want to explore in couples counseling. Notice things you struggle with, times you have a reaction that surprised you, or thoughts about your relationship you get stuck on. You can make a physical list or just keep a list in the notes on your phone. Be aware – if you try to keep a “mental list” you will likely forget. You’re human!
- IMPORTANT!! This is not a list of things your partner did to irritate you or piss you off. This should be a list of personal reflections on your relationship struggles, growth, and new insights about the process of trying to make your marriage or relationship healthier.
- If you’re also in individual therapy, use some of the time with your individual counselor to process some of the areas you’re getting stuck on in couples counseling. Maybe you’re realizing you have anxious attachment, or you’re terrified of abandonment – and it’s getting in the way of having a healthy relationship with your partner. Explore that with your individual counselor so when you come back to couples counseling you have a better idea of how you’re responding within the relationship and you can articulate your perspectives and experiences better.
- IMPORTANT AGAIN!! Same as above, I’m not talking about going into your individual therapy sessions and complaining about your partner. I’m talking about *self* exploration as it related to your romantic relationship.
- Sometime before you couples counseling session – whether it’s in the morning over coffee, or on the drive to the session – talk to your partner about what’s most important to address in your session. Exploring and setting expectations of what you both need from the session BEFORE the session will get your session moving more quickly and help your therapist understand what you need and how they can help you.
If you’re interested in couples or marriage counseling, you can schedule a free consultation with one of our couples counselors using this link. Our couples counselors specialize in communication problems, infidelity, and relationship distress. We see people in Reading PA and have an office in Wyomissing PA.