Written by Justin Trice, MA
Over the past year and a half, I’ve had the opportunity to get to know a bunch of really cool people with the most interesting stories, one hour at a time. Hearing those stories has been the highlight of a long journey that included 50-hour weeks, late night paper writing, and way too much takeout food. Week by week as my clients worked through their own challenges, we learned together.
Of all the lessons I learned, there are a few that really stick out to me. Here are 6 things I learned about people and relationships as a counseling intern:
1. Boundaries are fundamental, darling.
How often have you poured from an empty cup? When you’re feeling burned out, like you don’t have time for yourself, or you’re uncomfortable in your relationships, it’s probably because you haven’t communicated your boundaries clearly. I’ve realized that helping people find their voice helps them hold their boundaries.
2. In a relationship, one partner always cares more about being on time than the other.
Raise your hand if you’ve been on the giving or receiving end of a statement like this: “I swear, you make us late one more time and…”
…and it’s annoying for both of you. Realistically, your partner won’t be getting a personality transplant anytime soon. I’ve learned that the best a couple can do when one person cares about something more than the other is to figure out a way to live with certain differences.
3. You’re not really fighting about the dishes.
You come home and the dishes aren’t done. You think that’s why you’re upset, but here’s the thing: it’s not. When you see those dishes, feelings of being under appreciated might sneak up on you. Then, you snap on your partner. See, it wasn’t about the dishes– they were just the last straw. I’ve watched people uncover the feelings under their annoyances and that’s where I’ve seen real relationship change.
4. Online dating doesn’t have to be trash.
Earlier this year, I ran a therapy group for people who thought online dating is trash. I heard stories of ghosting, cringe-y messages, and bad boundaries. I got questions about how to weed out the lemons. I realized that by talking about dating struggles, people could learn how to deal with pitfalls and build trust. By exploring your rejections instead of hiding from them, you learn what you need to re-write your love story.
5. Mindful breathing is basically like restarting your computer when it’s frozen.
If you’ve ever called an IT department, you know the first thing they’re going to ask is, “Did you try re-starting it?” I’ve learned that sometimes our bodies need this, too. Your body and brain are so connected, and mindful breathing can be your nervous system’s restart button. Learning how to do this can change your life.
6. Turns out, I’m pretty good at helping people.
I’ve learned how to be a safe space for people, and how to capitalize on a good Dad joke. And I’ve realized that sometimes a good call-out moment is necessary. I’ve figured out how to be professional in a relatable way. And most importantly, I can companion someone through a deep, inner journey – and have a little fun along the way.
Justin is currently accepting new clients, couples and individuals. He sees people in-person, virtually, and also provides outdoor Walk & Talk Counseling (on a local Berks County trail). He helps people struggling with relationship issues, LGBTQIA+ issues, anxiety, and grief.
To schedule a free 15-minute consultation with Justin, click here.