What is gridlock?
Gridlock is when you and your partner are both so dug in to your position in an argument that there is no room for movement. The more you both dig in to your perspective, the less chance you have at breaking free from the gridlock.
What’s an example?
You refuse to let your in-laws visit. Your partner says it doesn’t matter what you say, they are coming. You say, “No they aren’t,” while your partner says “Yes they are.” It feels like the louder you say no, the louder your partner says yes. You’re both inflexible in imagining what a middle ground might look like and unable to see your partner’s perspective. You’re both dug in, and any compromise feels like you’re taking a loss.
What’s the problem?
When we are gridlocked, there is no room for empathy, understanding, or flexibility. You aren’t able to slow down and understand what’s going on for your partner. When we can’t understand, we can’t connect.
So, what do we do?
Ideally, you’re both able to find ways you can explore flexibility. But since you only have control over yourself, your partner might not be ready for that. You can model getting out of gridlock by exploring where you’re able to see your partner’s perspective and loosen your grips a bit on your own.
The question to guide you through gridlock:
Where can we find movement?
To have one of our counselors help you and your partner through gridlock, contact us here!
*Our counselors provide couples counseling to couples in Reading, Sinking Spring, & online in the entire state of Pennsylvania!