Family can be hard during the holidays.
Ok, so I know the title of this blog may seem a little aggressive. But sometimes family can be really hard during the holidays. Relationships with family can be complicated. If you love your family – but being around them stresses you out – this post is for you.
The holiday season creates perfect condition for family tensions to rise like artisan bread. Think about it:
ridiculously high expectations to make things magical + gift giving + lots of time around many, many family members = a recipe for potential disaster.
If this is you in your family, here are some practical things you can do to keep yourself in a good space around family as we head into the homestretch of holiday madness:
1. Know Your Limits. You get to choose how much time you spend with your family. How much time is enough time to be with them? How much is too much? Maybe an hour with your fam is a BLAST, but after that things tend to go downhill. Have a conversation with yourself about what the sweet spot is for you at a family gathering. Set those limits and stick to them.
2. Avoid Button Pushers. If there’s someone in your family who pushes your buttons, gives you a hard time, or makes you feel anxious or uncomfortable – stay away from them. Don’t get into a conversation with the person who is going to ask you the thing that puts you in a bad space.
3. Stick By The The Ones That Make You Feel Good. The same way you can make a plan to avoid the people that stress you out, you can make a plan to stay around the ones who bring you joy. Who are your go-to people? Who makes you laugh? Those are your people, surround yourself with them.
4. Go In On Good Footing. As best you can, head into family gatherings in your best head space. Meditate, give yourself a pep talk, journal – whatever you can do to help yourself get to a healthy spot. This will help you make good decisions about how to engage with other people.
5. Check Yourself. What are your expectations for these get togethers? Where have you been disappointed before? That’s a good place to start when recalibrating what you can expect. Managing your expectations puts you in the driver’s seat of knowing what’s to come, and what may not be possible in your family.
6. Do You. If you can’t beat ’em, find a way to have holiday cheer despite them. Maybe brunch at your aunt’s house on Christmas Day leaves you feeling drained – but what can you do when you leave that’s for you? Watch Frosty in your onesie pajamas? Drink hot chocolate (extra marshmallows) with your little ones? Create your own traditions – without extended family – to help you feel like the holidays are yours.
As always, if these feelings become too overwhelming, stressful, or anxiety provoking for you – counseling can help. I encourage and promote counseling to anyone who is struggling in their relationships – with themselves, with significant others, or with family.