“How many of you go to that place? When something bad happens the first thing you want to know is whose fault is it?
But here – if you enjoy blaming this is where you want to
stick your fingers in your ear and do the na-na-na thing
because I’m about to ruin it for you.”
I’ve shown this video to pretty much every couple I’ve worked with. I’ve shown this video to just about every individual client I’ve worked with. Now that I think about it, I’ve shown this video to just about every person I know.
Brené Brown is that chick. She’s a researcher, which I admit sounded boring to me before I got to know her work. She digs deep into vulnerability, shame, and empathy, the stuff that therapeutic work is made of. She’s one of Oprah’s “it girls,” and for good reason. She’s smart, she’s relatable, and she brings the truth – even when it’s tough.
Ok, but what’s so great about the video?
This short animated video (created by RSA) is the intersection of “it’s funny ’cause it’s true” and the “I feel so seen” meme.
It’s about blame and how quickly we get into blaming and how negative it can be in our relationships. I love it so much because almost everyone relates to it on an “oh, shit/it me” level.
(important to note: some people watching the blame video have very blaming-ly commented “my partner does that all the time!” ….and some people may or may not include, uh, me).
What would happen in your relationship if you didn’t rush right to judgement when something “bad” went down?
What would happen if instead of jumping on the blame train you slowed down and acknowledged your uncomfortable feelings about whatever didn’t go the way you thought it should?
What would happen if your partner did the same?
I imagine, without blame, the opportunities to connect with your partner and with your own emotions would increase and in turn decrease some of the tension you experience. I imagine it would lead to a happier, healthier relationship.
Comment below and let me know if you love this video as much as I do! To find out more about couples counseling, visit our couples counseling page.